My best friend Stacy, of almost 35 years...yep 35 YEARS...emailed it to me this morning. I sure hope if something happens to me that she takes care of item #1 PRONTO...also, please burn those journals I wrote when I was in my early (out of control) 20's. Never mind...I know you all too well, you will read them first. Although 90% of the mayhem you were a part of.
Note to Self: Burn journals. Before doing so, read them for a good laugh...and a good cry too!
- I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
- I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
- Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
- Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
- There is great need for a sarcasm font.
- Nobody really knows how to fold a fitted sheet!
- Learning cursive was not really necessary.
- MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
- Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
- Bad decisions make good stories.
- You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
- I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my twenty-page report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
- I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
- I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
- I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
- Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants never get dirty and you can wear them forever.
- Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
- The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.